Sheretta is a shy woman, almost 26, single mom and just moved out of a homeless shelter. Sheretta is also a Member of Back on My Feet. Yes, the kickass organization I work for.

In March 2011, I went for my first run with Sheretta. We literally got stuck running together because we’re the same height, same pace, same sense of humor. Starting out for a two mile run, I would ask Sheretta about life… no response. About her kids… one word answer. I have vivid memories of running through the streets of downtown Dallas in utter silence, not because I didn’t have anything to say (HA!), but because I knew I didn’t need to.

Today, we can’t stop talking. She knows my heart, she knows my love for laughter and she definitely knows I’m not the best babysitter.

I’m not writing all of this today to ask for money (that’s my day job). I am writing this today - and you can see what D Magazine wrote about Sheretta - because we need to turn her new house into a home.

In December 2011, Sheretta moved into a three bedroom townhome. Today, she is still sleeping on an air mattress with her angels, Taylor and Tylor. With two kids under the age of five, Sheretta’s family needs a whole lot of everything!

• Two twin size beds
• One full/queen size bed
• Dining room table and chairs
• Dressers, one for each member of the family
• Two desks
• Lamps
• Shelves
• Curtains
• Rugs
• Chairs

I am personally renting a truck on Saturday, January 28th to help pick up donated, low-cost items. If you have an item which you would like to donate to Sheretta, Taylor (five year-old girl) and Tylor (two year-old boy). Please email me at kristenkouk@gmail.com. Thanks for listening!

Saved a life with some paper hats from Dollar General. 

Whole-hearted prayers were whispered today. Chest exploding, soul strained, burning SOS signals up to Him. Never felt more like a vessel. It wasn’t me speaking. It couldn’t have been me speaking, because I know exactly what I would’ve said. I’ve said it before about my brother and it sounded something like… you selfish sonofabitch.

With the events of today, questioning of His plan has seriously infiltrated the brain. Why couldn’t you give me someone to walk with through this?

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Not to sound prideful, but I did rock the situation despite some minor internal freak the eff outs. I know You hand me things I can handle. And I can. But Batman has Alfred dude.

Maybe I’m not giving enough credit to the ones I called today. Parents, friends, experts. They collectively make up my Alfred. But I highly doubt they would all fit in the queen size bed for a sweet cuddle sesh.

Not inferring that a significant other would have made things easier today, but it kind of would have.

K

I don’t think you’ll be a quiet guy. I really don’t. I think you’ll dance, scream, laugh, sing, clap and praise in a way that reflects the joy in your life. You’ll pretty much be a disco ball of worship.

You will radiate passion for Him. You will not be a weak-hearted, lame-assed small talk kind of guy. You will understand the value of your words and actions, and you will make each ounce count. Your heart will sing no other name.

You will be known for bold moves. Not just in your walk with Christ, but with others. You will be intentionally intentional.

Buddy Jesus, you are not. A church camp counselor-esque, over the top, used car salesman, you’re not. You are vocally passionate and sincere.

Psalm 138:1 “I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; before the ‘gods’ I will sing your praise.”

Plus, you better sing because I’ve got to have someone to harmonize with. For.ev.er.

K

I am glad this post is about delayed gratification because it’s taken me a month to actually start and finish it. Boatloads has happened this month future husband. I have a greater understanding of who you are after struggling with pastoral advice, debating aggression with my community group and ultimately deciding my fifteen year old sister knows much more about Christian dating then eHarmony.

Actual conclusion after sisterly discussion…  I have been dating giraffes. Giraffes are ungodly men. I know the cutest giraffes. I can approach giraffes. I understand how giraffes are wired. I can seduce a giraffe. I’ve aced the giraffe test. Bunnies are godly men. I began this journey (writing The List) knowing that I wanted to marry a Christian, but with little clue on how to attract a bunny. Bunnies are an enigma. I don’t know what they look like or what they like to do. I don’t know where to find them. I don’t know how to act or flirt. I don’t even know how to let them open the door without having a self-reliance meltdown.

But much has been revealed to me wise grasshopper blog reader. So expect a boatload of additions to The List in the near future. Thanks to my church home, I’ve found a boatload of badass Christian men.

You have to be a marathoner. Literally would be awesome, but spiritually and mentally are required. You will train for marriage like training for a… well, a marriage. A lasting, healthy, ripple causing, ground shaking marriage between two equals pursuing Christ together. You will model endurance, faith and stamina. You will know the finish line is worth the effort.

I will wait for you. See both here and here for my favorite reminders. And in the meantime, I’ll attempt to walk the talk. I will train for marriage and parenthood. (That’s right, readers… parenthood. Fostering and adoption have been placed on my heart.) I will invest in myself and others.

Before we go on our first date, I will:
a// dive into prison ministry and take steps towards sharing with those that need a reminder of God’s grace
b// lose twenty pounds and run a half marathon to remind myself I am strong in other ways
c// quit drinking for one month and in doing so, destroy an idol and become more Christ-like
d// continue ministering to and supporting my parents while learning from them

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.”

Oh, and…
e// write a complete list of detailed must-haves for my future husband

K

After re-listening to last week’s message, I’ve decided I quite possibly, may have overreacted in my determination of JP’s saying: dress attractively, not to attract.

Two verses which calm my outrage yet pique my interest.

1 Peter 3:3-4 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

I’m all about a verse that places inner beauty as paramount, especially when I decide to skip the last minute on the bike at 24 Hour Fitness. However. I AM NOT OF QUIET SPIRIT. I understand that women’s role in society has drastically altered over the centuries of social evolution. But with today’s expectations of American women, this point is huge. “Unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” Do I possess or reflect neverending grace? And if I don’t, is it because I believe my circle of influencers expect me to be steadfast, capable, opinionated and autonomous? Or because those characteristics are coping mechanisms left over from an abusive relationship?

“Grace is compassion, gratitude, surrender, faith, forgiveness, good manners, reverence, and the list goes on. It’s something money can’t buy and credentials rarely produce. Being the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented, the richest, or even the poorest, can’t help. Being a humble person can and being a helpful person can guide you through your days with grace and gratitude.”

That, ladies and gentlemen, is from a bottle of body wash in my shower. The copywriting lackey who penned this passage obviously understands grace. Now I just need to write a letter to my cool new creative writing idol and request a definition for “gentle and quiet spirit.” I would like to think that they would shoot back with something like this…

Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”

This is my verse girlfriend. Some words I can relate to, strength, dignity and laughter.

K

“Well, maybe you’ll meet a doctor.”

Because that’s why one would consider a life changing dedication to a cause which affects thousands in dire need, to meet a doctor. Peepaw owes me an apology.

Poopaw? He freaked out in the not good way; the way when you question your parenting toolbox after your daughter confesses she wants to give up a salaried position for “no good reason.”

Here’s a darn good reason.

Matthew 5:7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”

For those readers that have the same issues with guilt as I do and automatically assumed someone done did me wrong, I’m referring to a different kind of mercy and interpreting the aforementioned verse with this definition of mercy in mind… alleviation of distress; showing great kindness toward the distressed.

A perfectly random and hypothetical example of a merciful act like performing more than 56,000 operations that are free to patients such as cleft lip and palate, cataract removal, straightening of crossed eyes, orthopaedic and facial reconstruction. 

Barriers to serving this mission?

1) Convince parents that I am merely God’s temporary wealth manager. It ain’t my money. Plus, I’ve had a history of bad financial decisions. 2) Convince myself that I am one big tool. I am merely God’s skilled tool to service those deserving mercy while floating on one big compassion boat. 

Clearly, genius has turned into madness.

K

Duane is from Irving. He’s lived in Canada and Oklahoma. He doesn’t have a home now.

Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

I can’t assume Duane hasn’t always run towards Christ. However, I will assume that there have been rare pearls of inspirational moments in Duane’s life.

He doesn’t know it (he can barely remember my name), but Duane inspires me to run.

Running and racing is inherently selfish; perhaps that’s why it was used in this letter to early believers. We are entreated to delegate time, training and effort towards investing in ourselves if we are to efficiently persevere through the race, our run towards Christ. Also known as perfection. No pressure.

I am the last person to preach concerning athletic perseverance. Thirty minutes into Danceaton and I am laughing at my snapping skills, planning my next Pinkberry visit and calculating my haggle for a gently loved Marc Jacobs handbag. These are weak thoughts. Weak, un-athletic physical moments have been accompanied by pathetic, unchallenged inner dialogue over the past two years.

I’ve recruited my cloud of witnesses, those teammates without a home, and I am ready to throw off the feeble attitude that hinders me from running the race marked out for me. Literally and figuratively. Concurrently.

Matthew 5:41 “If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.”

K

This series of blog posts will reflect my reflections upon the messages of a series, Boy Meets Girl by Jonathan Pokluda.

1 Timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” 

Unfortunately, the fifth point of JP’s message has inspired this post, but other than that I will attempt to stay in order of message and points within that message. Fifth point of JP’s sermon on dating? Find a man that is pure. Do not judge men on their past indiscretions, for example prison. Sidenote: prison ministry may be my calling, stay tuned for more on what my calling may be… Africa is in the pot. 

In speaking about purity, JP mentioned Facebook photos. If the woman you are considering dating has posted something a la Maxim magazine, run. But it’s something else that JP mentioned that ruffled my feathers unexpectedly.

“Dress attractively, not to attract.”

Which aroused memory of a recent quote from my Sissie. Aroused, heh.

“We don’t want to make our Christian brothers stumble.”

Now, I am not a string bean. Certain styles don’t flatter my body type… like anything you see on six foot model. So naturally, the jump to conclusions me was yelling (internally obviously) absolutely reasonable protests cloaked in pure sarcasm.

So accentuating my waist is a mortal sin.
I’ve always wanted to sunbathe in a turtleneck.
Ankles are so Spring 2011 anyways.

Am I alone in over analyzing this precedent? Am I mocking the point to justify my scandalous clothing? (Not a single Facebook photo is Playboy-worthy BTW.)

Or am I being reasonable in criticizing what seems to be an unattainable goal? Or does it just seem unattainable to me because all of the points lead to impossible, literally Christ-like perfection? For those not following along with the series, the other points were speech, conduct, love and faith. Just be perfect and you’ll find a husband… again, slathered in sophomoric sarcasm.

I have a sinking feeling that the reason for my juvenile criticism and legalese are due to my defeatist attitude. Therefore, I fight the biblical teachings with what I call reason. I should be a lawyer. The best anti-burka lawyer ever.

K

Something I’ve literally been missing lately. Tomorrow will be my fourth doctor’s visit about my eyes this month.

My man must have perspective. I don’t know if I’m going to require third world mission trip perspective, but enough perspective to shrug off the little things in life.

I’m looking for this value because I don’t think I’ve mastered it. I want to learn from him.

Pat on the back to me for the totally adult moment that just was. I don’t know if this focus on perspective is because of the baptism at Watermark last night or because of running with the guys…

One running buddy recently confided that she has had two of her children adopted because she couldn’t take care of them.

It couldn’t have hammered the nail in the coffin of adoption any harder. A resounding testament to the kind of children that are put in the system. The ones that need love. I want to someday give the gift of love to a child (which grows up to be an adult).

James 1:27 “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

That is a point of view that I hope he shares with me. Shrug off the little things, not the little ones.

K

Our God is generous. Tonight’s lesson from The Porch underlined what I’ve been practicing (read: attempting to practice) in my everyday life. I’ve been handing out cold water bottles when I see a need in an alley with a baby stroller full of beer, giving someone change for a pay phone (if those still exist) to call for a ride and donating cleaning products to a friend of mine for her new snazzy apartment.

This is the beginning of a series, The List. I’m hoping for it to outline the qualities I seek in a future husband. Enumerating characteristics does not mean he will materialize before my eyes, I understand. However, with my history of poor decisions, these thoughts are a crucial piece of my self-imposed relationship recovery.

Proverbs 11:25 “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

I want a husband that is generous. A man who gives his time, his wealth and his resources to others because gifting others praises God. I don’t want him to donate because it makes him feel better about himself or to impress others. I also don’t want to have to initiate this giving, it must be inherent. I want him to fully dedicate himself to a cause. A passionate man, driven to improving the welfare of others. The male version of Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act II.

K