Archives for category: life

The List: Marathoner

September 7, 2011 //

I am glad this post is about delayed gratification because it’s taken me a month to actually start and finish it. Boatloads has happened this month future husband. I have a greater understanding of who you are after struggling with pastoral advice, debating aggression with my community group and ultimately deciding my fifteen year old sister knows much more about Christian dating then eHarmony.

Actual conclusion after sisterly discussion… I have been dating giraffes. Giraffes are ungodly men. I know the cutest giraffes. I can approach giraffes. I understand how giraffes are wired. I can seduce a giraffe. I’ve aced the giraffe test. Bunnies are godly men. I began this journey (writing The List) knowing that I wanted to marry a Christian, but with little clue on how to attract a bunny. Bunnies are an enigma. I don’t know what they look like or what they like to do. I don’t know where to find them. I don’t know how to act or flirt. I don’t even know how to let them open the door without having a self-reliance meltdown.

But much has been revealed to me wise grasshopper blog reader. So expect a boatload of additions to The List in the near future. Thanks to my church home, I’ve found a boatload of badass Christian men.

You have to be a marathoner. Literally would be awesome, but spiritually and mentally are required. You will train for marriage like training for a… well, a marriage. A lasting, healthy, ripple causing, ground shaking marriage between two equals pursuing Christ together. You will model endurance, faith and stamina. You will know the finish line is worth the effort.

I will wait for you. See both here and here for my favorite reminders. And in the meantime, I’ll attempt to walk the talk. I will train for marriage and parenthood. (That’s right, readers… parenthood. Fostering and adoption have been placed on my heart.) I will invest in myself and others.

Before we go on our first date, I will:
a// dive into prison ministry and take steps towards sharing with those that need a reminder of God’s grace
b// lose twenty pounds and run a half marathon to remind myself I am strong in other ways
c// quit drinking for one month and in doing so, destroy an idol and become more Christ-like
d// continue ministering to and supporting my parents while learning from them

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.”

Oh, and…
e// write a complete list of detailed must-haves for my future husband

Tags adoption, boatloads, bunny, christian dating, christian men, delayed gratification, drinking, eharmony, endurance, faith, fifteen, finish line, fostering, future husband, giraffe, godly men, grace, half marathon, idol, marathon, marathoner, marriage, meltdown, parenthood, parents, prison ministry, self-reliance, shane & shane, sister, spiritually, stamina, the list, wait for you

Categories dating, life, running, the list, values

Big Compassion Boat

August 6, 2011 //

“Well, maybe you’ll meet a doctor.”

Because that’s why one would consider a life changing dedication to a cause which affects thousands in dire need, to meet a doctor. Peepaw owes me an apology.

Poopaw? He freaked out in the not good way; the way when you question your parenting toolbox after your daughter confesses she wants to give up a salaried position for “no good reason.”

Here’s a darn good reason.

Matthew 5:7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”

For those readers that have the same issues with guilt as I do and automatically assumed someone done did me wrong, I’m referring to a different kind of mercy and interpreting the aforementioned verse with this definition of mercy in mind… alleviation of distress; showing great kindness toward the distressed.

A perfectly random and hypothetical example of a merciful act like performing more than 56,000 operations that are free to patients such as cleft lip and palate, cataract removal, straightening of crossed eyes, orthopaedic and facial reconstruction.

Barriers to serving this mission?

1) Convince parents that I am merely God’s temporary wealth manager. It ain’t my money. Plus, I’ve had a history of bad financial decisions. 2) Convince myself that I am one big tool. I am merely God’s skilled tool to service those deserving mercy while floating on one big compassion boat.

Clearly, genius has turned into madness.

Tags apology, big compassion boat, daughter, doctor, genius, god, madness, matthew 5:7, merciful, mercy, mission, money, no good reason, parenting toolbox, parents, peepaw, poopaw, serving, surgery

Categories life, values

The List: Generosity

July 12, 2011 //

Our God is generous. Tonight’s lesson from The Porch underlined what I’ve been practicing (read: attempting to practice) in my everyday life. I’ve been handing out cold water bottles when I see a need in an alley with a baby stroller full of beer, giving someone change for a pay phone (if those still exist) to call for a ride and donating cleaning products to a friend of mine for her new snazzy apartment.

This is the beginning of a series, The List. I’m hoping for it to outline the qualities I seek in a future husband. Enumerating characteristics does not mean he will materialize before my eyes, I understand. However, with my history of poor decisions, these thoughts are a crucial piece of my self-imposed relationship recovery.

Proverbs 11:25 “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

I want a husband that is generous. A man who gives his time, his wealth and his resources to others because gifting others praises God. I don’t want him to donate because it makes him feel better about himself or to impress others. I also don’t want to have to initiate this giving, it must be inherent. I want him to fully dedicate himself to a cause. A passionate man, driven to improving the welfare of others. The male version of Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act II.

Tags god, the porch, generous, generousity, practice, husband, characteristics, poor decisions, self-imposed, relationship, recovery, wealth, resources, giving, passionate, welfare, inherent, whoopi goldberg, sister act 2

Categories kristen, dating, life, values, the list

Filled Cup

July 7, 2011 //

He filled my glass with water. Simple act. Huge realization.

This story draws similarities between my interaction with the individuals I work for and a personal internal struggle with relationships.

I had probably hung out with this guy three times. Sitting at dinner with friends. I asked where the water jug was, because I needed some water. Waitress came by and dropped off the jug. I didn’t notice. He picked up my cup and filled my cup before I could reach for it. His cup was full. He was being nice.

The adapted from experiences in 2007 – 2009 independent side of me did not twinge.

I thought about it the next day. Called my mom, told her the story and then almost cried. I didn’t almost cry because of the 13 corn dog ingestion pain. I twinged because it said so much about me, that I was struck dumb by his simple act. I won’t blame men in this situation, believe me, I tried.

What Kristen would have said last year, “Men are crude and insensitive, glass pourer guy is a rarity.”

Kristen this year, “Why would I like a man that doesn’t offer anything less than sensitivity, strength and ambition? What on earth have I been doing?”

Don’t even get me started on what this story would imply (albeit true) if I had been speaking of a ‘capital h’ him and not a regular him.

Setting up an email account. Simple act. Huge realization.

Small things for these guys in my life make each day. I don’t consider this work. This is my life. This is a blessed life.

Tags ambition, blessed, cried, crude, cup, email, glass, guy, independent, jug, man, men, mom, realization, sensitivity, simple act, strength, struggle, water

Categories kristen, life

Sticking With Me

May 12, 2011 //

Now. That just means I’m old.

As four different bones pop in my lower back from rising after ridiculing my parents for the Netflix account being inactive due to non payment… It was a joke. They have helped me so much lately with financial issues. I wanted to bring some levity to the situation. They just wanted me to hack into their Netflix account and fix it with the correct debit card. Yup.

I have a crush on a roller blading, beard sporting, hippie man traveling Europe. Yah, things have changed since college.

I now count the bones that pop and crush on men with the ability to travel the world, grow facial hair and simultaneously make me laugh till I can’t see.

Thanks Peepaw and Poopaw for not making me cry when I had the “due to non payment” issues. Thank you for teaching me how to put up with my brother that you help in the same way but definitely does not show his appreciation in the same way. Thank you for helping me understand that I was just like my sister at her age.

I was worse than her. Probably. If I was any better at 14 – I will rant about parenthood in a second – it was because of the community I was surrounded by.

The community that surrounds me now is no less perfect. These men have become role models for me. Role models I needed in my life. Sure, they’ve made poor decisions. But these former gang members, drug addicts and felons are more men to me then the tall, dreamy, overly muscular man that gives me back handed compliments. The men in my community are genuine, honest and treasure me. They have no idea how much they have changed my life.

Parenthood. You be crazy.

I’ll sustain from the rant on the “holier than thou” women that grace the pages of my news feed on a regular basis. (Starting to take a tally of wedding, engagement, baby, husband mentions… per day.) Let’s just talk about WTF you do when they turn 12. Hell, what do you do when your kid turns 25? You don’t think about those difficult discussions or heart wrenching moments when their two months old.

Have a kid. Learn how to get two hours of sleep a night and still be an awesome mom. Nothing will prepare you for 25 years from now when they need you to guide them spiritually, hand over expert financial advice and encourage them to leap for their ludicrous dreams. It’s not a kid you’re committing to. It’s a lifetime.

Thank you Anne. Thank you Bob. For sticking together and sticking with me.

I’m not anti-kids. And I’m on the path to convincing myself that I’m not anti-men/dating/boyfriend/husband. However, it’s going to take much more than an urge for cuddling while watching How I Met Your Mother and drinking a Shiner for me to legitimize the expense of a relationship with a high stakes man. They’re all high stakes.

Tags 14, addicts, back handed compliments, beard, bones, brother, community, cry, dating, europe, facial hair, felons, financial, four, gang members, heart wrenching, high stakes, holier than thou, issures, legitimize, lifetime, ludicrous dreams, men, netflix, non payment, old, parenthood, parents, role models, roller blading, sister, spirtually, travel

Categories dating, kristen, life, memories

The List: Marathoner

Big Compassion Boat

The List: Generosity

Filled Cup

Sticking With Me

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