Just wrote down everything I can remember about a day that changed my life. Altered it forever. Duh, I cried.

Grateful for a friend today that reminded me, my story is sacred. He knew my story long before I was made.

Psalm 139:15-16 “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

He gave me this story to glorify Him. Why wallow in despair over this season in my life where I have challenged myself to confront and conquer that day? Jesus didn’t put up with wallowing. No sir.

John 5:6-8 “When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in his condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’ ‘Sir,’ the invalid replied, ‘I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.’ Then Jesus said to him, ‘Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’”

My mat and I are walking tomorrow. Maybe that’s why I’ve been running so much lately… trying to tie a physical action / overcoming a physical challenge with the mental and emotional obstacles I’ve begrudgingly forced myself to acknowledge. Funny, before tonight, I would have rather ran another 13.1 miles (that would have been 52.4 miles in two months) then deal with the day.

Walking down to domination station with a group of women tomorrow night. Only Satan can keep us from responding to his command, “Get up!” Thankful that my Savior is love, action and mercy.

K

Let him love storms. Place on his heart a passion for the beauty of your creation. I pray that you will bless him with the wisdom to see the value of the storm and the faith that you will lead us through the thunder. Give him a heart to see creation in your destruction, opportunity for growth during the rain. Let him see the storm as a blessing. Let the storm always remind him of your power.

Job 40:9 “Do you have an arm like God’s, and can your voice thunder like his?”

I pray that he will value time to grow in your Word. May he always understand the importance of an intimate relationship with you. Use him in those quiet times. Teach him how to lead us in intimacy with you. Give him peace. Bless him with transcending, all-consuming peace tonight. Cover him with your love. Comfort him tonight.

K

Fair Warning: In an effort to best glorify God, I am going to work on myself so that I can become a better disciple. That being said, let’s talk about me.

Something happened today that had me analyzing the crap out of myself, analyzing how I measure myself and analyzing the crap people say about me. It was a very selfish day.

I have self-worth. I know I am valuable, wanted, desired and loved by Him. I also know that the lucky SOB that gets to spend the rest of his life with me (God willing) will value me, want me, desire me and love me like Christ loved the church. However, I have not been pursued by a Christ-loving man or any man for that manner in the past ten months.

Philippians 2:14-15 “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.”

I understand that my self-worth should not be measured by how many awkward first dates I get to stumble through. But, really.

My friends, family and community group affirm me constantly. My life is slowly turning into this article, “Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating The Living Shit Out Of Each Other.” They are pretty sure I’m awesome. 

So with my self-worth in place, affirmation at an all time high and a pretty good pace of meeting men. What the what?

Is it me or them… I can blame a previous generation’s lack of parenting skills or blame my self-sabotaging tendencies. It’s a mystery to me tonight, but I will keep trucking in this process of discovery. Just think of me diagramming, journaling and digging into the Bible with a metaphorical trucker’s hat. 

K


The power of a run. It’s illustrated by the connection I have with Sheretta.

Sheretta is a shy woman, almost 26, single mom and just moved out of a homeless shelter. Sheretta is also a Member of Back on My Feet. Yes, the kickass organization I work for.

In March 2011, I went for my first run with Sheretta. We literally got stuck running together because we’re the same height, same pace, same sense of humor. Starting out for a two mile run, I would ask Sheretta about life… no response. About her kids… one word answer. I have vivid memories of running through the streets of downtown Dallas in utter silence, not because I didn’t have anything to say (HA!), but because I knew I didn’t need to.

Today, we can’t stop talking. She knows my heart, she knows my love for laughter and she definitely knows I’m not the best babysitter.

I’m not writing all of this today to ask for money (that’s my day job). I am writing this today - and you can see what D Magazine wrote about Sheretta - because we need to turn her new house into a home.

In December 2011, Sheretta moved into a three bedroom townhome. Today, she is still sleeping on an air mattress with her angels, Taylor and Tylor. With two kids under the age of five, Sheretta’s family needs a whole lot of everything!

  • Two twin size beds
  • One full/queen size bed
  • Dining room table and chairs
  • Dressers, one for each member of the family
  • Two desks
  • Lamps
  • Shelves
  • Curtains
  • Rugs
  • Chairs

I am personally renting a truck on Saturday, January 28th to help pick up donated, low-cost items. If you have an item which you would like to donate to Sheretta, Taylor (five year-old girl) and Tylor (two year-old boy). Please email me at kristenkouk@gmail.com. Thanks for listening!

Saved a life with some paper hats from Dollar General. 

Whole-hearted prayers were whispered today. Chest exploding, soul strained, burning SOS signals up to Him. Never felt more like a vessel. It wasn’t me speaking. It couldn’t have been me speaking, because I know exactly what I would’ve said. I’ve said it before about my brother and it sounded something like… you selfish sonofabitch.

With the events of today, questioning of His plan has seriously infiltrated the brain. Why couldn’t you give me someone to walk with through this?

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Not to sound prideful, but I did rock the situation despite some minor internal freak the eff outs. I know You hand me things I can handle. And I can. But Batman has Alfred dude.

Maybe I’m not giving enough credit to the ones I called today. Parents, friends, experts. They collectively make up my Alfred. But I highly doubt they would all fit in the queen size bed for a sweet cuddle sesh.

Not inferring that a significant other would have made things easier today, but it kind of would have.

K

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